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"The Two Brothers"
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Post by
calicojack
The following is the script of the pantomime performed at the recent Cross-European-Servers-Roleplaying-Event, which was advertised on this forum. Posted for your possible amusement:
The Ballad of the Two Brothers
,
a gnomish pantomime rendition
of the classic elvish opera, by
Hercule Stormwidget Gnapoleon.
{Enter Narrator. Illidan, Malfurion, and Tyrande wait in the wings.}
"Herein withal we set our stage today, this mighty city at the dawn of time, wherein the stately elves rule for an Age a kingdom sung in story and in rhyme."
"O gentle folk who bring your ears to list', throw not the rotten egg or cabbage brown. Our scansion might the prettiest ne'er be, but we have only rented Tyrande's gown."
"Our tale begins with brothers, tall and true. Both handsome, bold, and strong they look to be. But only one small failing do they rue: both love the same fair damsel hopefully."
"The first Malfurion, a burly one."
{Enter Malfurion. /flex, /bow.}
"A woodsman born, he loves the dappled groves. His hands can tear asunder bark and stone, as easily as dwarven home-baked loaves. His muscles rippling all across his chest, he knows that he's the one elf girls like best."
{Narrator /nods.}
"The second brother Illidan is named."
{Enter Illidan. /cheer, /bow.}
"A handsome mage who knows more than a book. His burning fire and dread gaze are well famed, the beams cast from his eyes get all the looks."
"Twin brothers these, alike in many things. Watch now their love, their doom, and all it brings."
{Malfurion and Illidan /eye each other, then /glare or /e scowls at each other.}
"Their Queen had gone to madness, in her reign, and sought to bring a death to all the world. That story 'though, is long and rather plain, so we'll turn now and learn about a girl."
{Malfurion and Illidan both /whistle.}
"Whilst all about the kingdom fell to ruin, and demons stalked the streets of dale and town, these brothers danced their eyes a diff'rent tune, and here we now present that rented gown. Be, gentle audience, kind and throw no food - we must return it in condition good."
{Enter Tyrande. /curtsey. Malfurion /flex at her, Illidan /bow at her. Tyrande /giggle.}
"Her beauty was the talk of elven-kind. She had a hundred suitors for her face. Her greater fame was making up her mind - she could not, and that doomed all of her race. The wind did whisper everywhere her name, and guaranteed her everlasting fame."
{Tyrande /giggle again. Malfurion and Illidan walk over and stand to her either side, facing her. Malfurion /question Tyrande. Tyrande /flirt. Illidan /question Tyrande. Tyrande /shrug.}
"These then are all our players on the stage. Each brother sought the lady to impress. Malfurion..."
{Malfurion /flex at Tyrande.}
"...and Illidan..."
{Illidan /e makes strange gestures, and suddenly produces a flower. Preferably with a big AoE visible effect. If none available, perhaps three seconds of hearthstone, cancelled, and immediately reveal flower?}
"...engaged to win the lady - and return her dress."
"A plan it grew to now defeat that Queen, and win the heart of Tyrande Whisperwind: Malfurion would dress himself in green, whilst Illidan must steep himself in sin. To win Ashzara's trust and steal her pow'r (that Queen of whom I spoke, the one that's mad), poor Illidan must let his honour rust, forsaking Good, and now do only Bad."
{Illidan /e twirls his moustachios. Illidan /cackle maniacally. Illidan /nod. Malfurion and Tyrande /nod at Illidan, then take a few steps back from him. Malfurion /shrug towards the audience.}
"His bad-ness knew no bounds, he gained her trust. While elfin blood began to coat the ground, poor Illidan did all he knew he must."
{Illidan /says "Mwahahaha! YOU ARE NOT PREPARED!" Narrator, Malfurion, Tyrande /glare at Illidan. Narrator /says "Shhh! This is a PANTOMIME." Illidan /shrug,
/says "Sorry..." Illidan /e twirls his moustachios.}
"Where were we... Our poor mage here met the Queen. To win her trust he shadow'd all his heart. He played the villain true with all his art. He did all that she asked of him and more. And soon a giant demon set the scene, with Illidan before him on the floor."
{Illidan faces off-stage, and /grovel and /cower.}
"Sargeras, mighty demon, mighty foe, did 'bless' one brother with a curse most foul. The demon 'honoured' Illidan, although it almost made the elf throw in the towel. Meanwhile his brother and the girl they loved fought ever on 'gainst the demonic host..."
{Malfurion /flex again, then target some distant mob or critter, thus entering a combat stance. Tyrande /nervous, and then /shrug, and then does the same.}
"...the mighty arm of Malf', here, hoped to prove that when it came to brains, Brawn had the most. The beauteous girl Tyrande would almost swoon, whenever green Malfurion the goon would swing his mighty arm and flex his chest. She did like clever, but liked muscled best."
{Tyrande /flirt at Malfurion. Malfurion /flex.}
"Now Illidan was close enough to strike, but chanced his brother and the girl to see, far off across the city where they fight each paltry cultist and monstrosity."
{Illidan /peer at Tyrande. Tyrande /flirt again.}
"The villain he had made himself to play now saw the damsel love his brother true. The plan to stop the demon went away, his heart now full of bitterness and rue. His all he'd given Sargeras to slay, he'd even let them give him a tattoo. His feigned malev'lence now became the true."
{Illidan /point at Tyrande. Illidan /roar. Illidan /e twirls his moustachio. Illidan /cackle. Illidan /e slinks into the shadows. Illidan creeps slowly over behind Malfurion and Tyrande.}
"Abandoning his brother to the fight, broke-hearted now our villain flees the scene. The brawler tussles demons in his might, and soon enough he faces down the Queen."
{Malfurion /growl. Malfurion /flex. Malfurion /roar. Tyrande /e swoons
at Malfurion's rippling muscles.}
"Malfurion distracts the summ'ning host, e'en as Sargeras climbs out of the pool, but Illidan has wagered all the cost and thinks himself no flexing, muscled fool. He creeps all quiet to the water's edge, and there enacts his daring, hasty plan..."
{Illidan holds up an empty bottle or moonwell flask . Illidan /e dips the flask into the Well of Eternity. Illidan /e holds up the full bottle. Illidan /cackle. Illidan /e puts a cork in it.}
"...then slips away and hides behind a hedge..."
{Illidan creeps away and /e hides behind (a member of the audience). Illidan /cackle again.}
"...whilst 'Furion here proves himself a man. With Tyrande watching, Malf' then kills the Queen, which casts the demon back into the pit. What happens next was by him unforeseen: th'Eternal Well takes Azeroth with it."
{Malfurion, Tyrande, and Illidan all /yell "KABOOM!"}
"The world collapses, so the story's writ, and leaves survivors all to
feel like..."
"...spit."
"But Illidan has saved that vital flask! He races up a hill to find a pond."
{Illidan jumps up and runs to one end of the "stage" opposite Malfurion and Tyrande.}
"He makes himself perform one final task to keep the elves immortal, magic gods."
{Illidan /e pours the water into a pond on Mount Hyjal.}
"When Tyrande and Malfurion decide they?ve won, it takes them several days to end their kiss. Then underneath the burning noon-day sun they climb Mount Hyjal to shout out their bliss."
{Malfurion and Tyrande slowly walk across the stage towards Illidan, blowing kisses at each other.}
"'Tis there the lovers first will come to see the lonely Illidan's new perfidy. Too late to stop it, this new Well will be a momument to elf society."
{Malfurion and Tyrande /gasp at Illidan.}
"They 'prison Illidan, throw away the key."
{Illidan /e gets imprisoned under the earth. Illidan /sit.}
"And whilst some elves greet this new Well with glee, Malfurion decides to plant a tree."
{Malfurion /flex. Tyrande /e swoons at Malfurion. Malfurion /sleep.}
"And so our tale, O Gentle Viewer, ends. For which we hope we need not make amends."
{All stand. All turn to the audience. All /bow.}
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